Here, Mommy! Have some mango!

No? Maybe Dad wants some...

Here you go, Dad.  You look hungry.

This piece is mine!

Uh, oh - WHO is that cute girl there with you?

It's Ariel!

Or maybe Aurora, or Cinderella, or Snow White... one never knows.

Wait a freaking second.

Are you standing up while you eat that?

Why yes, yes I am.

And I love it!  I'm so big! Ha!

Pretty soon I'll be running away from you in the commissary! WooHOO!

And I thought it was hard to get a good Christmas picture of one kid.

This was the winner - the second picture I took.  It's all downhill from here.

Dazed and confused.

Distracted by toys.

Jaynie is cute here, Jonas looks like Brando.

This whole picture taking thing is hysterical!

You really thought we'd sit still and smile? HA!

Ok, I've completely lost them here.

Cute Jaynie, in the background you can see trouble.

Yep - trouble.  There go the ornaments.

Jonas - you're moving out of the frame here...

Oh, perfect.  Now we've got foot in the picture.

Don't you try that innocent look with me, missy.

Here's a perfect one... if you're looking for a card for Aunty Suz.

Ha! That's right! That was just for you, Suz!

I never get tired of that joke. Hee.

Jaynie's starting to look burned out here.

Yeah - this is deteriorating.

Would be cute, if Jonas didn't look like he was being held hostage.

Again with the tree?  Forget the tree!

Uh oh!

Somebody's teaching this baby a lesson!

You thought that was funny, huh?

Letting all the blood rush to my head like that?

I'll have my revenge.  You can't watch your own back, you know (seriously - check out this picture and tell me he doesn't look like he's planning something.)

HaHA!  Yeah - you are MINE, Dad.

But first?  I have a tree to destroy.

Oh, my.

Cute boy playing in the firetruck!

Actually, "playing" is a bit of a stretch.

He slipped halfway under the seat and got stuck.

And I took that opportunity to take a million pictures.

I'm sure that Mother of the Year award is on it's way.

Seriously, Mom.

You plan to leave me here all day or what?

I mean, I know I'm cute and all...

No, really, get me out.

GET ME OUT!

Don't make me have to start yelling at you.

I can only keep up this cute act for so long.

Does this look comfortable to you?

Put. Down. The. Camera. And. Get. Me. OUT.

Interesting.

From here it looks like she's dressed as a princess..

balanced on a yoga ball...

sitting in the firetruck.

Well, DUH, Mom.  Jeesh - you act like you've never seen this before or something.

Here's something else I'm still getting used to.

Vertical baby.  Who does he think he is?  Standing up like this?

Oh for the love...

I can only take so much cuteness!

Aaaack!  Look at that neck!

I'm trying very hard to be witty here.

But all I want to type is "HE'S SO FREAKING CUTE!"

Heehee.  There's no denying it, Mom.

Even my feet are delicious.

Hey - what's that?

That over there? 

Oh, that?  That's a... fairy angel giraffe princess... something.  With different shoes.

Hahahahahaaaa.  She's nuts!

What?  I couldn't find the other sandal. 

I think maybe you should spend less time taking pictures of me...

And more time helping Jaynie get dressed.

(Folks - it doesn't get any better than this.  It's the most smoochable spot on the planet.)

The MOST smoochable spot?

What about this nose, hello?

It's totally smoochable!

Oh, my little fairy angel giraffe princess.  You are absolutely right.  Delicious.

This one, also. 

Truly amazing that I get anything done all day.

You'd think my lips would be chapped from all the smooching.

Although - then they do these super cute things like touch my $400 camera with their grubby thumbs and lose just a bit of their smoochiness.

Holy canolli!

It's Princess Jeweliana!

Please note the striped tights under there.  She put on this entire outfit herself.

This baby is obviously looking for trouble.

Oh, or maybe he was looking for his binky.

Well, you got it, now what?

Dropped it again?

Awww - spit it out to blow me kisses!  Thanks, baby!

Hey, kiddos?  It's kind of dark in here - you mind if I turn on the light to get a picture?

Oof.  Too bright.  (This would be two little squatters hogging my pillow and my blanket in my bed.  Sigh.

BUSTED!

  (What? Who? Me?  Playing with the bidet?  Never!  I know how much you hate it when I mess with it!  I was just walking past it when you happened by with the camera!  What do you mean I can't walk yet?  Maybe I just don't do it in front of you! Ever think of that?)

Huh?  Do what for the camera?

Oh! SMILE for the camera?  Sure! Cheeeese!

Cute girls at the Christmas party!

Cute boys at the Christmas party!

Cute girls again! (Who knew we had that much hair in our faces?)

Jaynie oh-so-patiently waits to play a game.

Jonas and Daddy cheer from the sidelines.

Jaynie less-than-patiently waits to play the game.

She's the first winner!  The present is hers!

Other kids stare jealously as she unwraps (everyone was a winner, Madam was just the first.)

Umm.. I don't know about this hairy guy, Mom.

Sure he has a present for me, but do we really know him? 

I DON'T LIKE HIM! SAVE ME!

NO, HAVING DADDY HERE DOESN'T MAKE IT ALL BETTER! GET ME AWAY FROM THIS FAT MAN!

Sniffle sniffle.

Maybe opening this present will make me feel better.

Present?  Huh - maybe I should just "share" his present!

I'm sure he won't mind...

I'll just hold it for him.

Hey!  What happened there?

Madam is wondering just WHEN it will be her turn for Santa...

YAY! (Jaynie to Santa - "Look! You are on my shirt! Do you have a shirt with a picture of me on it?"  You can't make this stuff up, folks.)

Present time! (Notice she sits nowhere near Jonas.)

(Jaynie can share his presents, but hers are for HER.)

A princess nightgown! (Nevermind Mrs. Claus back there.)

A princess nightgown WITH A TIARA!

Uh, oh.

Somebody seems to have given the baby a candy cane.

Better take this mess outside.

Better.

Now then...

Surely this was some kind of accident?

I mean - the candy wasn't deliberately given to the baby?

Like maybe it fell to the floor...

and before anyone could stop him...

he'd unwrapped it and put it in his mouth?

And after that it just seemed cruel to take it away?

I mean, nobody gave pure sugar to the less-than-one-year-old on PURPOSE? 

Right?  I mean, who would do that?

Ahhhh. 

I may have found the culprit responsible for this mess.

Daddy's a sucker for candy-lovin babies.

Twink! Stay still so I can take a picture!

What?  You want a picture?  Sure....

Psych! Hahahaha!  I've got sugar to burn off!

Speaking of sugar...

Would you look at the sticky hand, people?!

He's starting to look a little loopy.

Uuunngh. Suuuugar.

Oomph.

Yuummm.

There he is - the man behind the mess.

Here, Dad - you look like you could use a snack.

No really, have some!

Thanks.  You seriously needed a mint, I just didn't know how to tell you...

Ok, people.

I'm all out of captions here.

I've gone on and on as long as I could.

But when one takes 49 pictures of a baby eating a candy-cane...

There are only so many different ways to talk about it.  (Look at that neck crease!  So sticky! So yummy!)

One adorable clean baby picture, for your viewing pleasure.

Huh.

So much for blocking the tree with actual presents...

Why, yes.  That is Jonas driving the firetruck.  He loves the siren.

Ah, and there's his co-pilot. 

Co-driver.  Whatever.

Behold the cheek.  I kiss it every day.

Whoa.  That was a big, kissable cheek!

Hmmm.  What does this button do?

And how about this?  Vroom vroom vroomy vroom vroom! Baby at the wheel!

So, Madam goes into her room...

all is quiet for about 20 minutes...

Then she comes out in this outfit.

that she picked out so she could match Princess Minnie.

Look at them!

Pink princess hat? Check.  Hot pink shoes? Check.

I don't make this stuff up, folks.  You can tell I didn't help her get dressed because when I do, she generally doesn't have that inch of underpants showing. 

Ok, Mom. I don't mind the outfit...

But the hat has GOT to go.

Jaynie and Santa again!

She must have been a reaaallly good girl this year.

Either that or we just go to all the best parties.

I mean, how many times are we going to see this fat man and have him give Madam a present... BEFORE Christmas?

We chose not to torture Jonas a third time.  He stayed safely away from the scary beard.

Santa brought Jaynie Backpack! (It's from Dora, just like her hair.  Those of you without small children - just go here and see what I'm talking about. )

Awwww.

What'd I tell you about that cheek?  Smoocherific!

Hey! Why does that kid look sticky?

Dammit Joe! Another candy-cane?!?!

What goes up, must come down.

Would you look at that neck roll?  Maybe time to lay off the candy, Bub.

Ah - the Christmas Eve one-present rule!

After Jaynie opens hers, she (of course) helps Jonas with his gift. (First she picked out what he should open, then she opened it for him.  Really, I don't know what we would do without her. )

His is boring, so it's back to her magazine for the Twink.

Merry Christmas to us!

Why why why do I NEVER think to do my hair and make-up on Christmas morning?  There's an hour long video of me looking like this!

Holy cannolli!

It's a Little Mermaid costume!

Thank YOU, Aunty Suz! 

Jonas chooses to play with this old toy, instead of one of the 3483987 new ones.

What?  Unwrapping them was kind of the highlight for me!

Oh, my.

Would you look at the joy on this face?

She had to run and get Baby Ariel so they could have their picture taken together.  "TWO Ariels, Mommy!"

Jonas is hypnotized by all the shiny stuff she's wearing. 

Oops - the trance is over.  Time to open another present!

Who, me?  Feed my kids cookies for breakfast?  What?

Long shot of the mess.

Another mess picture, this time complete with a no-make-up-wearing-messy-haired-reindeer- pajama'd-Mommy.

Oh, yeah.  Let's let the baby play with the new paints.  Great idea.

Seriously - who needs this many toys?  A preschool, maybe.

Jonas spots something interesting in the paper...

Mmmm.  Blocks.

We were looking for a little more fiber for his diet.  These should be perfect!

I got up on the couch to get this shot of the mess.  I love Joe's Santa pj's and Madam's purple mermaid tail.

One final shot of Jonas's first Christmas.  Checking out Jaynie's toys.  I can tell this two-kid thing is just going to get more and more fun.

Uh, hello table manners!  What are you doing holding that bowl?

Of course.  (Look how shocked Jonas is with her behavior.  Shocked, I tell you!)

Jayne, you've got a little something on your face...

Oh yeah?  Here?  Did I get it?

Ummm... yes! Perfect.  You look great. 

What's this?

It's a snuggly little Birthday Boy!

People!  You are looking at a one-year-old!

A one-year-old who loves his Mommy!

And his tiger, of course.

Hello, Birthday Boy.  What do you want to do today?

Um, I've heard there is cake involved in this birthday thing?  I'd like to do that.

More pictures of the one-year-old.

This time, eating his breakfast.

Um, Mom?

Didn't you just take a bunch of pics of me in bed?

Are you planning to follow me around with that thing all day?

Can't you see I'm trying to eat some fruit here?

(Maybe if I ignore her she'll just go away...)

Shhhh.  I'm sneaking up on the muffin to get some pictures of him playing.

Be berry, berry quiet....

Whoops.  Spotted.

Mom, I'm just going to pretend that I don't even see you there.

I mean, considering I JUST asked you to stop w/ all the picture taking...

And now you're back, taking pictures of me INSTEAD OF PUTTING MY PANTS ON...  Geesh, woman.

Helloooooo fearless!

Ok, now that he's surrounded by padding I can sit back and photograph his daredevil climbing, instead of moving in to stop it.  

Do I neeed a caption for this? Does the picture not tell a 1000 words?

As does this one.  How cute can you get?

Contemplating a fruit snack.

Fruit snack?  HEY!  Grandma sent those to ME!

DON'T let her talk to you like that, Mom.  Fruit snacks were meant to be shared.

More random picture taking, while we wait for our food.

Me and the birthday boy.  Sigh.  How does a year fly by like that?

Fly by?  Mom, are you  nuts?

For real, Mom.  The time didn't seem to by "flying by" while we lived in hotels and guest rooms for four months, did it?

Whatever, kids.  All I'm saying is - wasn't it just yesterday that we brought Jonas home? And now it's his birthday already?

Just yesterday?  Woman, have you forgotten the year's worth of diapers we've washed?  Just yesterday my foot!

The discussion ends with the arrival of pizzas bigger than Jaynie.

Mmmm.  Pizza.

What?  I have a little something where?

Oh, yeah?  Well YOU have a little something right HERE!

He looks so distrustful here.  I'm pretty sure I don't remember anyone trying to come up and steal his pizza...

I need some more please!  Right in here!

Mmmm.

That pizza made me a little thirsty.  

That water cost how much!  Holy canolli!  We should've gotten wine!

Now there will be many pictures of Jonas.

Because it's his birthday, and I'd like to record it for posterity.

And also because he's so freaking adorable I can't help myself.

Look at him!  Doing the "itsy bitsy spider". 

It climbed up the water spout, you know.

Out came the sun, and dried up all the rain...

And the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again!

I still can't believe how much you paid for this water!

Thinking deep thoughts.

Here's a picture I never had the opportunity to take in Arkansas.

Jaynie and Daddy, with statuary.

Although a park picture?  Those we've got. =)

Our intrepid explorers, crossing the rope bridge in a foreign land...

Hmm.  Baby looks kinda messy...

As do you, Twink.  What's up?

What are you looking at, so intently?

Ahhh.  Gelato.  That *would* explain the mess.

Ok, these are fun not only because it's Jonas wearing Joe's sunglasses...

But because you can see our reflection in them (look at the right lens - you can see Jaynie's little face peeking over the seat at him.)

So now you know what he sees when we're taking his picture.  Complete idiots.

Worn out Birthday Boy 

Worn out Big Sister.

Happy parents, enjoying the quiet. =)

Heyyy!  Present time!

More presents!

Didn't we just do this a couple of days ago?

Not that I'm complaining!

I mean, look at this stuff!

I'm just sayin, I seemed to have really lucked out here.

And I can't help but notice that I'm the only one with gifts here.

Heh.  My day just keeps getting better and better!

For any of you who doubt Joe's mad party skillz, I present - the double  hat!  Rock on, Dude. 

Yes, that's a store-bought cake. Whatever, I was too busy eating Jaynie-sized pizzas to bake, ok?

Plus, Jonas doesn't seem to mind in the least.

Could have something to do with the fact that I plopped a full quarter of the cake on his tray.

He's not sure what he's done to deserve this, 

But he likes it.

Hmmmm.

Who knew blue food could be this wonderful?

Aaah!  It's all over me!

Hmmmm.  Maybe that's not such a bad thing.

Although it is pretty messy.

Look, Mom!  Look at the mess!

Maybe if I just keep eating I'll get to wired to care. 

Probably a good plan, hon.

It's a wonder he could even breathe.  Icing up the nose - a mark of a real party.

As is the Elmo hat.  Only the very best parties have them.

Starting to look a little fried here.

But he presses forward. More cake! More!  Mmmmm.

UUuuugggh.  Sugar coma is hitting...

Quick! Another bite!  (It's this technique right here that shoves the icing up the nose.)

Mmmph.

Eventually, he stopped eating it altogether.

And just twitched around.

And made funny noises.

And finally?

Started singing.  The cake song. AAAAAaaaaaah! aaaaAAAAAAAaaaaH!  Happy Birthday, Baby.

Um, did someone put princess sunglasses on me?

This is what I think of that! Phhbbbbt!

Now, if you don't mind, I'm just going to play with this foot for a while.....

Would you look at the back of that neck?  At those feet?

Yeah, I'm talking about you, tough-guy.

You are one smoochable little muffin, you know that?

What is this?

Standing to play with the magnets? Are you trying to break my heart?

I'm trying to think of something funny to put for these three...

This one especially.  He has such a look of  :GASP: "Who put that (fill in the blank) there?"

But it's late and I'm tired.  Think up your own joke..... [here].